Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A letter To Plaxico Burress

Dear Plaxico,

My name is Matt McManus.  I’m from NY and live in LA now.  It’s cool.  First let me say, I don’t watch or follow much football.  I think it’s cool to watch in a bar on Sunday when chicks are wearing sweaters and there are a lot of different kinds of beer on tap.  Football’s American.  So are we.  Cool…right?

How’s jail?  I could imagine that it’s not quite what you expected.  That’s life though.  I’m sure you’ll learn from it.  There’s lot’s of other guys in there with tattoos too.  So you guys have that in common. 

Guns are crazy man.  Why the fuck was you carrying one?  I mean you’re getting blowjobs from awesome chicks and spending money like it’s nothing.  Then you go and shoot yourself in a nightclub?  Man, that shit’s gangsta.

I work out a lot.  I bought a bike and ride it as much as possible.  Maybe one of these days you can draw me a picture.  I’ll send you the paper if you’d like. 

I met a chick that’s from the midwest and she makes fun of me for not liking football as much as the rest of those guys.  I told her I was writing you a letter and she told me Randy Moss was more gangsta than you.  What are your thoughts on that sentiment?

I gotta go to rehearsal now.  I hope this letter makes you think about something other than the stuff you’ve been thinking about.  Don’t go looking for God or trying to find yourself.  The second you get out you’ll get an offer you can’t refuse to play ball again. Lil Wayne has a new album out, and Drake’s shit is gonna drop any day now.  Drake’s not necessarily gangster but it makes white people wanna go crazy, so I can only imagine what it makes you wanna do.  You’ll wanna just get right back on the Gangsta train and we won't be able to pull the breaks. 

Whenever the weather gets colder in the fall, like it is now it makes me think of football.  Someone on How To Make It in America shot himself in the leg this week.  That made me think of you.  That other football player got out of jail and is playing again.  I read an article in the New York Times that said he’s bankrupt.  At the end of the day you just want to do what you’re good at.  I’m sure you’re a nice guy.  Don’t let those thugs get to you.  You’re bigger than that.

Anyway, the sunsets are nice out here.  I miss my family.  I’m sure you miss yours.  I’m gonna have my own TV show one day and maybe you can see it on a big screen TV while some girls are swimming in your pool.


Matt McManus
Obama 2012

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