Friday, February 11, 2011

Houses I'll Never Buy, Women I'll Never Fuck

My friend back in NY found a piece of paper with two lists on it that her boyfriend left out in the open accidentally.  The lists were titled, "houses I'll never buy, and women I'll never get to fuck." She called me a little distraught and paranoid.  When she told me, I laughed.  I laughed for a bunch of reasons.

I tried to justify it to her, but even the smartest women logically thinking, and not on their period cannot comprehend the internal strife most men are stricken with.  I say all this in jest.

You see men live and die by those lists.  Those lists are internal tattoos that we keep adding on to all the time, and we can’t help it.  We want what we can't have.  We want what you have.  We want something bigger, better and smoother than what we've had, and what you have. It's innate.

When you see a man working out in the gym, he's most likely not working out to improve his vascular system functioning.  He's trying to get a blowjob and a house with a two-car garage. When you see any man in a library studying  it's not because he want to understand poetry.  He's trying to learn as many words as he can, so that when the time comes he can impress that single girl wearing glasses, in a black satin dress at the dinner party.  When you see the redhead kid in gym cloths outside the Starbucks on sunset blvd, writing.  He's not writing a to his mother.  He's writing a blog entry about unattainable houses and women.

Now women, women can become CEO's, deans, and Secretary of State.  Women can do anything.  I adore women.  Each woman that passes me by is a story I'll never write.  Women can work just as hard as men, and obtain huge feats, but some women, "get it".  They can climb up the transparent unspoken caste system that adheres to American men, just by talking to one of them, and that chance, that dialogue is what keeps men working out, reading in libraries, and making lists.

You can work to be a better man, a smarter man, a grounded man.  You can also appear to be those things.  It's that ratio, that chance that gives your lists a chance.  Because most of those girls in sweatpants and Ugg boots can't differentiate for shit.  Your lists are not fruitless, maybe selfish, and even silly.  It's what god gave us.  Cavemen wrote these kinds of lists on walls, and they wanted the same things we do, better caves.

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