Saturday, January 15, 2011
I had a dream last night that Conan O’brien asked me to write him a letter about how I see the world. I know that sounds crazy, but here Conan. Here is your letter.
I see the world in a very kind and forgiving way, like a child. Whatever curiosity is in most kindergarten classrooms I still apply to the world. I see the world as I hope to see it, and that’s full of hope. I see people waking up from their American dream, and some living it. I see a world turning into the future. The future The Jetsons led us to believe would exist. I can talk to you while you’re in your living room, from my living room, and see you. I hear rappers rapping over techno. I see the rebirth of the greaser. I see young men with plenty of money, growing their facial hair out, buying white belts, living above their means, listening to bands that are pointless and synthy, all the while making it look like they don’t care about how they look, by making themselves look that way. I see drug addicts quitting, becoming more angry, and purposeful, and addicts using drugs being completely happy, but purposeless. I see the Apple computer symbol in coffee shops, and that symbol is what the Mercedes symbol was in the eighties and still is, a status symbol. I see children becoming stars and stars becoming children. I see Wall Street bankers becoming buss boys. I see the words humble and modest uniting and becoming universally understood. I hear the words, “thank you” more often and see myself being more thankful.
I see breasts, everywhere. They are the constant reminder that cows aren’t the only mammals that produce lactose. Breasts are also reminders that a) God knows what he’s doing, b) we don’t, and c) I’m never going to stop being 15-years-old with an erection under my school desk.
You ask me how I see the world. Well that’s what I’m consistently seeing. A banker sees money, a hair stylist sees hair, and I’ve tried to be many things in my life, and been slightly successful at each, and I can see jigglers. I can see justice and injustice. I can see hope and excess. What I can’t see is the big picture, because all the freakin tits everywhere. I’d ask God to get rid of them so I could succeed in life, but then there would be no fun in succeeding. Conan, I see Hope regardless of the looming despair, and I see breasts everywhere I go.