A real fool that gets paid to talk to strangers in the street.

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Thursday, July 29, 2010

...She'll Jerk You Off

If she smokes…
If she has any kind of tattoo…
If she hasn’t talked to her dad in a month, or he is unfortunately deceased…
If she drinks a beer with a shot to chase it…
If she has two tone hair…
If she hasn’t exercised in two months…
If she wears anything bedazzled…
If she hasn’t changed her sheets in two weeks…
If she is bi-racial in a primarily white town…
If she was dumped recently…
If she just heard “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”…
If there’s a unisex bathroom…
If she is moaning like you’re having sex and you’re just holding hands…
If she has two drawers for underwear in two separate dressers…
If she is inside a laundrymat…
If her mother’s first name is Claire…
If there’s only one diner in her home town…
If her father keeps weird hours…
If she orders the “spicy” dish at a Chinese restaurant…
If she opts for the bill rather than the desert menu…
If she was born and raised in Queens, NY…
If she knows three or more players on any professional sports team…
If she has a lot of anti-aging cream, and or, benzoyl peroxide in her bathroom…
If she keeps her cash loose in her back pocket and not in a wallet…
If she is jerking you off…

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