A real fool that gets paid to talk to strangers in the street.

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Saturday, July 24, 2010

Cock-tale


You can tell everything about a person based on what they drink.  It indicates how much of an amateur they are. not just with drinking.  You can find out how amateur they are in life.  If a 28-year-old white girl orders an amaretto sour, she’s probably either dated a lot of black men or was a bookworm in college.  If a girl orders a shot of Jack and a beer to chase it, she probably smokes cigarettes and hates her father.  The man she goes home with is probably a lucky one, amongst many others.  If a dude orders a martini, he’s probably wearing a button down and either worked really hard that day, or is on a date, or he desperately wants to seem older than he is.  He could just be sophisticated but chances are, he’s gay.  Most Asians like whiskey.  If they order anything other than that, they probably aren’t that good with English.  If someone orders one of those pink drinks that taste like college and fruity pebbles at the same time, they suck at life, and also, they may be Black.  Black people like sweet drinks.  Not to stereotype.  I’m Irish.  We drink, a lot.  Spanish people like beer too, or cervesa.  Also, god created alcohol so that every other race could truly see how stupid White people actually are. 

You can tell how Cosmopolitan a person is based on what they drink.  We all need liquid in our bodies, some to sustain, some to quench, some to smile, some to cope, or hope.  Someone once said that the world’s best writers are all drunks and fighters.  How you fight the good fight, or just how you keep keepin on is defined by what you hold in your hand when you're out in public.  There are many status symbols in life, fashion statements, and mannerisms that make up who you’ve become. 

Then next time you’re out watch the people at the bar and see what they order.  There’s a story behind it.  You can probably take advantage of that information.  If someone orders something “Neat” his or her room at home probably hosts the same adjective.  If someone orders something “Straight Up” they are usually that kind of person.  If someone says no fruit in their cocktail, it probably means they’re straight as an arrow.  It’s an interesting world.  Life is made more interesting with a drink in your hand.  Look at the hands in the room, what they’re holding.  There’s a novel in each glass. 

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